I declare! (And I wish would the heavens.)
Long in its coming, this spring is still surprising to me.
There are signs all around, of course, and have been for days, weeks: calendar, flowers, lighter than dark.
(Can you tell I've started taking pictures again?
Among other things, it is to travel curves, revel in precision, prove illumination.)
Winter is like a dream to me -- a collection of images, sensations, and experiences, words, places, and feelings, but not quite a coherent whole.
Was I there? Am I ever anywhere? How do I know when I am all together, if later so much of it is unavailable to me? Is it then, or now, that I am not fully present?
Then, I was cocooned, preoccupied, tunneled in on a vision of something beyond survival.
Now, I find myself stretched back to a beginning and unable to argue with an ending. What about the inbetween?
Where is God? Where has God been? What is God's fingerprint on this whole (expletive) mess?
How is God calling me to respond tonight, tomorrow, all the Sundays to come?
I can no longer close my eyes and pretend.
If my children are not safe, am I?
"Now my soul is troubled. But what would I say? 'Father, save me from this hour?' But it is for this hour that I have come."
Someday, I will bow my head in thanks for all that I have known.
I know this to be true and I cannot fathom it.
May God grant me the courage, grace, and wisdom to get from here to there.
Mirror, mirror in my heart ...
(The Gospel of John 12:27)